literature

This is What I Hide

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WarsBetweenMyself
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Literature Text

Listening to music, she sits on her bed crying. She questions herself, "Why am I listening to music that makes me cry?" Her friend has questioned her about this many times and the only answer she can rely on is, "Just because."

Thinking about her past and how much she changed, she continues with the music. She was once a happy child, so full of life. Always seen with a smile on her face, eyes full of happiness. There was no such thing as make up to her unless it was for playtime. She only cried when she got a boo-boo. Her parents always could tell when she was upset and should would tell them why, not understanding why someone would lie. Her parents never yelled at her and she never got into fights. Her parents didn't argue with eachother and every night she would get told, "I love you, sweetheart."

Now, she's barely ever seen with a smile and her eyes are usually always dull and angry. Make up wasn't used for playtime, but to hide the pain and make her seem more beautiful and less ugly. She cries over everything now. She understands the unwanted feelings; betrayal, heartbreak, loss of a loved one. She now has the ability to hide those tears very well - always making sure to deny the fact that she was crying, making sure others didn't think she was weak. She never wants to be comforted by her parents anymore - she just wants to be alone in her dark room with her music. She hears the arguments now and she finally knows how to talk back and give attitude to her parents. She was never thankful, always wanting.

Society today has made her feel like the ugliest human being alive. Unwanted. Fat. Too emotional. Face has too much acne. Arms are hairy. Face is too chubby. Too short. Too depressed. Everything is wrong with her. The only thing she would ever be proud of is her eyes, but even those are started to be hated by her. The show no emotion but anger and depression. They're nowhere as bright as they used to be. They're always glossy, tears always in her eyes. Everything that once used to be beautiful about herself is now gone.

She truly wants to believe none of this is true. But after years of learning that everything she was was wrong, it's too late. She'll never think she is beautiful again. She'll always be ugly in her mind.

So there she is on her bed, wrapping her arms tightly around her knees, making sure she doesn't make a sound. Tears are falling down her face, but no one will ever find out. The lights are off and the music is soft.

"Why are you listening to that music if it only makes you feel worse?"

"Just because."
Man, I ... I'm just really not in a good mood. I'm so down. I've been crying for the last two hours, sometimes worse than the other.

I tried drawing but I kept messing up and I finally came to the conclusion that I'll never be good enough to draw and I give drawing a bad name. It got me even more upset.

Then I started listening to music, but I somehow kept making connections to my past and ... bgfndsjkl.

My dad caught me and asked me if anything was wrong. I just broke down. Everything came out. No words, just screams and cries. I didn't tell him why though. How could I if I don't even know why this is happening?

God.. I'm sorry for this horrible thing.
:iconcryforeverplz:
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lvcy's avatar
lvcy
oh my, what's wrong?
shit shit shit, why do I feel so stupid to ask you this via the internet. shit.

I don't know what to tell you, but you said you messed up drawing. don't. ever. say. that. again.
should I show you very very bad drawings to feel better? I sometimes feel better when I do that ... BUT!
a fey days ago I found awesome shit on tumblr. it fits to your "drawing crisis".

so okay, I tried to find it on tumblr, but I'm too lazy to search more, so I searched with amazing ~GOOGLE~
and found it

the letters are a bit little and... yeah. here you are: [link]

I love your art and I like you very much as a person, so don't worry about what you think about your art, I'm sure that I'm not the only one liking it! I don't like my own drawings either, but I keep on practising : D

hang ooooon!


shitshitshit, sorry that I like, related this comment only to your drawing problem, sorry! DDx

Please get well soon, okay? (: